Our Last Days With Mallery

                                                     August 3, 2016

My family showed up for a week and Mallery did extremely well. We had prayed that we could get through the week while family was there. Here my sister Karen, who loves animals too, was taking pictures of Mallery. I think she thought this might be the last time she saw her.

After all 9 family guest left, mom was our only guest. I knew she wanted to see Mackinac Island, so Joe, Mallery and I took her.

Mallery was still on Prednisone and doing really well.

We took mom on a horse and buggy ride. We had to sit near the back since we had Mallery with us.

The buggy ride was at least 2 1/2 hours and Mallery was being a good girl, but at the near end of the ride, she gave a one loud yap! I see now why we were made to sit in the back. Her yap might have scared the horses. I think Mallery was saying "Enough is enough with this darn boring ride". It got everyone's attention including the driver, who made a joke about the yap. There were a couple of short stops during the ride, otherwise she never could have lasted that long.

Mallery was put on the predinsone for 20 days. One morning I found her sleeping outside her kennel all curled up in a ball, so I covered her up with blankets.

Mallery enjoyed the green grass during this time. Our grass had turned brown in July due to lack of rain and the water pump (that brings water from the lake) had died, so we couldn't water the grass.

Mid August, the rain came back and the grass became lush once again.

Mallery was not eating good again, except crackers and when she got real hungry some turkey, rice or steel oats and veggies. We had stopped her apples because they might cause some gas which had become a major problem for her. I was no longer giving her the supplements that were in the form of pills because I could not wrap then in peanut butter, cheese or cream cheese any more.

Except for the not eating well, she was sleeping and doing well.

During mid August we were having bee problems again and called an exterminator. This time they were yellow jackets, not honey bees. The exterminator opened up some outside soffits to spray for them and left them down, knowing he might have to come back to respray. Shortly after this we were getting yellow jackets in our house. We would find them half dead on the floor, counters and window sills. (Here Joe is holding Mallery because she got stung by one).

Mom was still with us and we were all nervous about stepping on them during the night when going to the bathroom. I was out in the kitchen one night and Mallery came running on three legs out from the laundry room whimpering. I thought she pulled a muscle in her leg and picked her up to comfort her. On her hind thigh was a yellow jacket. I brushed it off, but it was too late. Every time we put her down she just hopped around on 3 legs in a state of pain. I got on the interent and found we should sock her leg/foot in baking soda and water for a while. I couldn't find any where on her leg or foot that was swollen, so I assumed she stepped on it. My gosh can't this dog get a break.

After soaking her leg in baking soda she seemed to calm down enough to lay down, but with her leg held up. The internet also said dogs with stings may need fluids, (which she had, because we give her daily subcutaneous fluids due to her kidney failure) or be put on predinsone (which she was on). The only other thing dogs with bee stings are given is epinephrine if breathing problem occur. Fortunately she never developed any breathing problems and the next day she was OK.
 Just before mom left, she said, " You don't have to come to my 90th Birthday celebration. I see how much care Mallery takes, and I think she is going to live forever". I told her, I was coming and Joe was going to watch her while I was gone. After 20 days of prednisone, we were to drop her dosage to every other day. On the second day of this new dosage, things started to get bad. She was keeping me up all night, eating even less, living on crackers, and developed more breathing problem. I decided to give her the pain and trachea pills the previous veterinary had given her. After no improvement in a few days, I call the vet who was on call. After reviewing, her medication, I was told that the trachea pills had prednisone in them also and she was probably getting to much prenisone. I was to stopped the trachea pills, but to go back to the prednisone daily. She continued to be up and down all night. Below is a video of how she starting to go back to walking in circles.

After a week of being up most the time at night, I couldn't even think straight anymore. Nights were always more difficult for our girl. During Monday night, I was up, all but 2 hours. I got up to try to give her more pain medicine. A bit later to see if she needed to go to the bathroom, to change her poopie diapers shortly after that. Then to warm up food to see if she was hungry. Or maybe crackers. When everything that could be done, was done, I laid in bed so stressed I couldn't sleep, because I knew, as soon as I fell asleep, she would wake me again, and she did. At this point I was getting so frustrated and told her to get in her kennel and be quiet. In the end I laid in bed and listen to her labor breathing and prayed God would give me advice and the strength, to know and do what needed to be done. 

 I knew the recent rains (high humidity) was making it difficult for her to breath. I knew more rain was on the way. I knew the snow was coming, and with her blindness she didn't do well walking to do her daily duty in the snow. (We were planning on staying up north until the end of December). I knew my mom's 90th Birthday Party in Jacksonville, FL. was coming up in a few weeks. Joe kept saying she might not make it, if I left her. She had become increasingly more dependent on me. I didn't want to pick between my mom and Mallery. I knew I wanted to bury in our yard, and I didn't think she might make it for another 3 months while in the south. I knew I needed to be with her, if she needed to be put to sleep. Some people can't be with their pets when they are put down. I couldn't not be with her in the end. I had to be there for her. I was afraid Joe would get more frustrated then I had got, if I left her with him while I was gone. Getting frustrated with her was not fair. She was sick. But I was so tired. Joe said I was getting sleep deprived. All these things were flooding my mind. I called the veterinary Tuesday morning and told them it was time. I told them how things had been going and I was afraid of getting mad at her again. I was afraid of myself now. It's the worst feeling in the world to get mad at the dog you love when you know they can't help it. The veterinary asked if I wanted to do it that day or tomorrow or wait and see if she got better by Friday. I said she is sleeping right now, but I wanted to do it late that day because I was afraid I'd change my mind if I waited. She always did better during the day. I no longer had hope. Nothing was helping anymore. I was exhausted. The video's below was of her last day in the yard and with us. It was a hot day so it didn't take long for her to get hot, so I brought her inside and told her how sorry I was for getting mad at her, and how sorry I was to have to do what I was going to have to do.

Before we took her to the veterinary clinic, we did a paw print cross. I had tried this earlier and it didn't work well. Thinking I had time to re-try, I had put it off. It was now or never. It still didn't turn out as well as I would have liked, but I know who did the art and that is all that matters. As we walked into the clinic the receptionist said, "here is our miracle girl"! (She always called her the miracle girl). As we walked into the room, Mallery started to tremble a little. Of all the years I had taken her to a veterinary, she had never done this. She had never liked vet clinic, but had never trembled. I believe she felt Joe's and my fear and sadness. There was no hiding it, even when it didn't show outwardly. They gave us some last few minutes with her and then came in and gave her a shot that put her into a deep sleep immediately. They left again for a few minutes, and then returned to give her the final injection. You can't help but feel like a traitor, even when you know it was for the best and know she is happy and free now. The doctor wrapped her up in the blanket we brought and covered her face. I carried her out to the car. I had told Joe earlier, he would have to pay the reception before we got there. He told me he was barely able to keep it together too.

We brought her home and put her in her toy box with her ball on top. I could not bury her that day, so I kept her where ever I was the rest of the day. In the evening I sat her next to me while I watch TV and talked to her and pet her. The doctor told me if I didn't bury her that day I would have to put her in the refrigerated before we went to bed. Before we went to bed, Joe had cleared a spot out in our second refrigerator in the man cave. I put the toy box lid on, and Joe put her in the refrigerator for the night. This might seem morbid to some, but the thought of burying her was just more than I could bare. It was hard enough just to put her in the refrigerator. She was my first dog that I had, from puppy to death. Now I understand why some people have a hard time getting another dog.